A confession about Fakes...

I'm currently subjugating Superman to his weekly torture of Toddlers and Tiaras.

And without fail, each and every week, there's always some kindergartner complaining about her false eyelashes. And the complaints are always the same: they feel uncomfortable, unnatural, itchy, heavy etc. But Mom usually has a bribe up her sleeve of candy, a new toy, or let's say... even a cat to convince her progeny to suffer through, with promises that "her eyes look much prettier this way."

But on what planet are fake eyelashes appropriate for a preschooler? I used to get crap from my dad for wearing tinted lip-balm in the eighth grade!

At 26-years-old, I tried falsies for the first (and so far, only) time. And they were uncomfortable, unnatural, itchy and heavy. A few drinks in, they felt a little better. I've regulated them to very-special-occasions only, much like fake nails.

What the hell are we teaching our little girls about beauty, and this so-called "no pain no gain". Since when is fake better than natural?

These poor little girls being waxed and plucked and spray-tanned and highlighted and curled and teased and weaved and fake-nailed and false eyelashed... jeeze, these 5 year olds spend more money than I do on their appearance... and go through more pain in their beauty regimine, to boot.