Bienvenue a Montreal: Ok, nous l'avons trouvé

Que faire et que voir quand vous êtes à Montréal: Part 4 in a series.

My Uncle's job occasionally has him on the road. Nothing glamorous, just North America, but I think that everyplace has at least one cool thing about it. Even in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere, there's always fun to be had.

But since he's there on business, he really only gets a day to himself. Or sometimes only a couple of hours. So he'll ask someone who's been to the city before..."Hey!! I only have (this much) time in City X. What do I HAVE to do?"

And I think that is a delightful approach to travel, one that I hope to utilize in the future. SO... what should you do in Montreal? My first instinct is to say strip club.

But I'll go with my second instinct, which is, ironically, church. Now I don't care what faith you were raised in, how religious you are, or what check-box you put your neat-little X in. Cause this ain't just any-old church. Basilique Notre-Dame de Montreal.

(I'm looking at photos online to show you, but there's just nothing that truly captures the grandeur and extravagance and erethral beauty of this structure. I think it's best to go in blind and let the beauty take your breath away.)

Words, cannot even describe it. When I am inside Notre Dame Basillica, I am undoubting and unwavering in my devotion.

Outside on the pavement 10 minutes later, or at the strip club 6 hours later might be a different story. But inside the Basillica, all the beautiful old-world Catholic tradition and masonic architecture meld into otherworldliness.

Ya, you're gonna pay $5 for admission. Take the tour, it's free. And feel free to wander and explore. Light a candle, say a prayer.

And, meh... it was good enough for the nuptials of the Diva herself (Celine Dion). Also, the Basillica hosted the funeral of Pierre Trudeau. But you'll learn all that on the tour. And if you're feeling adventurous, take in a mass. It would be worth it just to hear that massive organ.

We suspected that The Musee D'Art Contemporain might only be good on LSD, but alas, it was an hallucinogen-free weekend. Like any contemporary art gallery the pieces (some were more like, pieces of crap) fell into three categories:
1. Ohhhhh neeeaaaaatt!
2. Cool. Probably cooler on acid.
3. WTF? How does this qualify as art?

For instance, The Bourduas exhibit fell into the first two categories. While his contemporaries (or, bootleggers) often fell into the third category.

In the second category was videomusique. It told the story of a couple. They were... how you say... troubled. Some might say... volatile. And in the background was Chris Isaak's sexy serenade, Wicked Game. Only instead of the insatiable Isaak crooning, some crazed chick was sometimes screeching it sometimes sobbing it. It was fucked.

Also in category numero tres was Runa Islam: A silent film of a pretty young woman at a table. There is a cup and saucer about 3 inches from the edge, and the woman's hand is 2 inches away from the china. Her hand is moving a millimeter a minute. And, soon (but not quickly) the china begins to creep towards the edge of the table. And then, its hanging over the edge. And you're thinking... Noooo!! You can save it!! There's plenty of time. Then.... SMASH!!!

Then all sorts of things are breaking. It was excruciating.

We enjoyed The exhibit of Yesterday's Tomorrows, especially John Massey's Phantoms of the Modern/The Beginnings of the World. His prints were of a very clean very modern house. But it was like a Where's Waldo of strange and slightly provocative objects.

It was cheaper than seeing a movie. But come high or don't bother. It's always nice to take in a gallery or a museum wherever you roam. Lends culture to a journey.

Montreal was home to the Olympics in 1976. So we wanted to grace the hallowed grounds of the site of monumental debt. For a photo-shoot... __________________________________________________________

The park was nothing more than a concrete wasteland. __________________________________________________________

And the stadium looked like where they hold the Space Olympics. __________________________________________________________

And the biodome is where they train. __________________________________________________________

What the hell is this?
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GIANT stairs!
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Reach for the stars!
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Maybe Olympic Park and Stadium are not a must-see.

But upon returning home everyone will ask, did you see the cross? According to "legend" you can see the cross on Mount-Royal from everywhere in the city.

In the 16th Century, Jaques Cartier hiked up this mountain with the natives and christened it Mount-Royal, which is from where the city takes its name. In 1643 the founder of Montreal, Paul Chomedey de Maisonneuve hiked on up with a giant wooden cross.

It was replaced with this in 1929. __________________________________________________________

It was... a little anti-climatic
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A breathtaking view. Oh, and there's the city. __________________________________________________________

Hitch-hiked back. 

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Dodged falling rocks.
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The park itself was very lovely. Its hopeful to see a major metropolis devote such great acreage to foliage and walking paths. Walkers, joggers, runners, hikers, cyclists, skiiers, bladers and the like dominate the trails. The young and old come to exercise, play, picnic and even date in nature. Wear sturdy shoes.

The waterfront at Les Quais Du Vieux-Port de Montreal had some beautiful assets as well.

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Prepare for boarding.

Bievenue a Montreal: Acheter et Magasiner...

Comment passez-vous tout votre argent quand vous etes dans Montreal: Part 1 in a series.

So the big to-do was the underground mall, La Ville Souterraine or RESO. All the travel literature, and people on the street all seemed to be urging us to check out the WORLD'S. LARGEST. UNDERGROUND. SHOPPING!!!! (yaaaa!!!haaaa!!!yeahhhh!!)

I don't understand the big draw. It's stores. Underground. Like a mall. Only more artificial and zero natural light. I don't even really like malls. I much prefer walking down a strip.

Besides, as I told Irish: "we have underground shopping in Toronto."

"We do?" she replied.

Check and mate.

The Eaton Centre was no where near as impressive as Toronto's. But the shopping on Ste. Catherine Ouest, just outside of the centre was good. Similar to Yonge and Dundas.

Simmons is a place to check out: a fashionable department store, exclusive to Montreal and Quebec City. The prices are pretty reasonable, and I think you'll find that Montrealers are more cutting edge than their Toronto cousins. The European trends tend to hit Montreal before Toronto. But then again, you're running the risk of looking like a freak for several years before the trend hits the general population. 

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Like these high-waisted bloomer polka-dot shorts.

H&M, $19.95

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Or, a ruffle-shoulder tee.

H&M, $14.95

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Or even a fancy veil, suitable for all your mourning needs.

H&M, $9.95
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Went a little bit crazy at H&M. Found some more studs. (Trying to bring 'em back. Spread the word.)

H&M, $4.95
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Of course, needed more large sunglasses. They're kinda my thing.
H&M, $5
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Vieux Montreal (Old Montreal) was by far our favourite. Its where the artists come to sell their wares. Definitely check out the original art, sold on the street by the artist. Acrylic, water colour, lithograph, photography and even caricatures; there's something for everyone. Unique jewelry, clothing and gifts can be procured here as well. Plus, the cobblestone walkways just give Vieux Montreal such a delightful old-world feel.

One thing we noticed was Montrealers' love of stationary shops. I have never seen so many shops devoted to paper. And such large and extensive shops! Not a great place for two journalists to walk into. Nevertheless, we showed restraint, purchasing one notebook each.

Sure, everything we saw you could pretty much find in Toronto. But Montrealers have the luxury of one stop shopping. And bonus? Blank paper is bilingual!

I couldn't resist the small notebook with the sentiment, "Une bonne action n'est jamais perdue." (A good deed is never lost). $6.50.

 

Ya, I bought a sex book. What's it to ya?

Backstory: For Beat Magazine class, Irish, Brown, Grey and I (henceforth, known as the Douches) are creating, writing and producing a magazine and website about 'sexual education as a lifelong process'. Sex-ed doesn't end after highschool.

Sexology was a magazine that launched in 1933, and became defunct in the seventies. It was considered humorous, informative and frank. And sometimes ludicrous. It was certainly risque, and paved the way for magazines such as Cosmo and Playboy. Ironically, Sexology met its inevitable demise, because it couldn't complete with the frankness of its predecessors.

The book is a compilation, "The best of Sexology: The Illustrated Magazine of Sex Science: Kinky and kooky excerpts from America's first sex magazine." Got the book from the most delightful store (origins, currently unknown) which had all sorts of useless yet delightful wares.

Tea bags with celebrities from Audrey Hepburn to Bob Marley to Obama chilling in your tea cup, jacuzzi style. Fake promotional pens from 'Springfield Sexual Addiction Center' and 'Dr. Lance Hughes, Proctology'. Bloody shower curtains. Precious kits for pigtails or explorers. And not to mention a great collection of uber entertaining books. Like Sexology. $16.

It's worth it to check out the gift shop in the Notre Dame Basilica. (I know, I know). It's actually pretty classy. Rosaries, crosses and nice gift items for all your Catholic needs for Baptisms, First Communions, Weddings, etc. I bought a new magnet for my fridge collection. (Seriously, the easiest travel collection to maintain. not to mention cheap!) $2.


So, there you have it. Shopaholic takes Montreal! Stay tuned tomorrow for the second installment in my Bievennue a Montreal series. Manger et Diner: Comment vous pouvez gagner du poids quand vous etes dans Montreal.