I am feeling generous again and personal. I was digging through my memory box to find the list of requirements I drafted for a gentleman (five-ish years ago.) My search was in vain, however. Perhaps I discarded it in a cleaning frenzy.
But I did find a little treat! Here, for the first time, is... The Ronada Codex!! yaaa! cheeer! yaaaa!
Back story: this was the apartment rules my friend and I drafted before living together. She was my first (and so far, only) roommate. I'm Ron, she's Ada. Hence: Ronada. And we were never nearly as slutty as the codex implies.
In fact, we both ended up in long-term relationships shortly after the codex was drafted (one drunken night). She's still with him to this day. But as you know, I'm single and ready to mingle ;)
Think this would be appropriate.
And without further adieu, I present, The Ronada Codex.
1. No sex in shared living spaces. Shower is fair game, but please clean up after.
2. Keep volume down during sex. Occasional moan is permitted. If bed squeaks/bangs, please readjust.
3. Use key-hook method to alert roommate that you brought a penis over.
4. Call/text to alert roommate you're bringing in an outsider.
5. Perform tailcounts regularly.
6. Max 1 "kick roommate out of apartment" card per month. 1 week notice preferred. Preferably no overnights.
7. No bringing strange men home for penis function.
8. You drop the pie, you eat the pie. Alert roommate.
9. Don't give out home phone #.
10. Use common sense & have courtesy and respect for roommate. Any operational issues will be resolved via the use of Blockbuster-approved tools.
Wow. I'll have you know that I lived by these guidelines religiously.
1. no comment!!
2. ditto!!
3. I enjoy that we refer to mens as "a penis", like they have no other function.
4. This rule was a special request from me. I was in the early stages of a pantsless apartment. My apartment has a no-pants rule. And the scary thing is, lots of people abide by my rule. Skirts, shorts, stretchy-pants, PJ's, sweats are OK. No dress pants or jeans are to be worn in the apartment. So this rule was created so I would never be caught with my pants down (literally) when she's bringing a friend over!
5. We had a lot of cats. You had to count them before you went out, to ensure you hadn't locked one in the bathroom or on the balcony, or hell, in the hallway.
6. Ya. We took advantage of this one a few times!
7. We weren't ho's!
8. One time, we dropped a pie on the floor. And then proceeded to eat it off the floor. Much to the disgust of many. Which sparked the great, floor-pie debate. Would you eat your favourite pie, that you splurged on, that you really couldn't afford, that only a teeny-tiny sliver had been consumed, and the whole damn thing fell on your freshly-washed floor, and you could clearly identify the unscathed portions? Fuck, you KNOW you would do it!
9. We never even got a home phone!
10. Ah, the only really useful rule. We both worked at Blockbuster at the time, and had learned many stupid decision-making models, and conflict-resolution formulas.
This makes me think though. What would my roommate codex look like today?
V-Ron rules!! The first rule is: there are no rules! But here are some anyways...
1. Spend as little time as possible within the apartment.
2. No-pants permitted within the apartment.
3. No smoking.
4. No loud noises after 11.
5. Singing in the shower: a necessity.
6. Visitors must wait a minimum of 5 minutes in the hallway while I frantically pick up anything embarrassing off the floor.
7. Visitors must be warned, and accepting, about the mess.
8. Clean once per month. Then make a huge mess. Then repeat.
9. Food is only a suggestion. Empty fridges are nothing to be embarrassed about.
10. All chilling must be performed on the bed, due to lack of space and lack of couch.
Wow. Just realised, I have a pretty sad life.
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