Let's make fun of people today!

So this online dating thing? It's infinitely entertaining. Everyday there are new winks, matches, interested gentlemen and even emails. I've been very passive. There's a constant stream of willing suitors. And weeding through their profiles is the best part.

Ah, take NeedyChristianAsian.

Here's the highlight reel of his profile: To my future wife: I feel so happy and blessed to get to know you here.
(To my future husband: I hope we have a much cuter meeting story than *shrugs shoulders* internet dating)

If the relationship with you is a mission from the Lord, I will accomplish it with my whole life, and nothing else will be able to come in between us. I will told you every story of my life, my pain, my pleasure and my inside world.
(Since when is God sending people on relationship-missions. Gives new meaning to the phrase what-would-Jesus-do?)

Sometimes I am a day-dreamer who indulges in fantasy, so I think I must be a nature- born writer, although my job will be a stable income occupation. I admit I am really a shy, traditional and ordinary-looking guy, not rich, not good at sport. But I will devote myself to you.
(Nature-born writer, he is not. I cleaned up his punctuation. He kept putting spaces before the comma which was driving me nuts.)

Everything belongs to me belongs to you, including my property ,my youth and my life.
(Hmm.. I did lose a lot of property to my last boyfriend. And not to mention my youth...)

I believe that making your pleasure my pleasure and your pain my pain is my most important duty. I will be the band -aid that heals all your sorrows when you wallow in sadness. I will be the Teddy Bear that warm your body when you are trapped in tiredness. I will be your invisible wings that fly you to the Eden when you are between the devil and deep sea.
The serendipity that will happen between you and me is a movie filled with sweetness and tenderness that God directed, and God chose you as the heroine, me as the hero. I just want to tell you that everything that is happening must be the order from GOD, and I strongly believe that it is also the GRACE OF THE GOD. (Band-aid, teddy-bear? Not sexy. But a movie directed by God Himself? Probably would sweep the Oscars, but be overrated in the end.)

What I like to do:Titanic, a movie that I have been watching for more than 30 times ,touches me deep in my soul and completely takes my heart.such as Gone With the Wind , Breakfast at Tiffany’s ,Legends of the Fall, Shakespeare in Love are also my favourite.
(And juuuusssst incase you were seriously considering this guy... he throws in his love of Titanic for good measure.)

*NEXT*

Here's WhiteGangstah.

My first thought: how does he even know how to work a computer?
Second thought? I bet he's been to jail.

I am a family man and loyal to my mate. A hard worker working for the thing that we would need. I am the kind of person that always duze the right thing know matter the outcome. I would like some buddy that is good to me with a big heart. I like shy woman i like a woman that takes things slow. O and she has to b loyal and honest. U can not have a go strong relationship with out it. And she has to like to b silly some times. But the biggest thing to me is we have to be friends as well.
(I like how he saves time by not typing full words. I wonder if he actually thinks that 'does' is spelled 'd-u-z-e'?)

*NEXT*

Moving right along to... Bitter&Lonely.

I have found writing anything here does no good whatsoever. If you look at the rest of the information and want to talk to me and get to know me, then do so. The only way to get to know someone is in person, but it can start on the internet. Meeting someone in person is easier, but I am not closed minded and some people have stories of meeting their one true love or soul mate online. However, if you want to talk to me you are going to have to message me and provide that as I am no longer a paying member...
(Jeez, I'm depressed after that.)

Well then. Music? (How fitting. A special request from a match.com suitor.)

There are two promising gents. We've exchanged some witty banter via email... but when asked for my number, I panicked. I, naievely, wasn't prepared for this. And next comes dates... (and, naturally, I think... hooray for blog fodder!)

As for the New Plot Point? We think he's trying to play me. He's not very good at it. I've kind of taken a step back, realizing it's more of a fuckationship without relationship potential. And now he's getting whiny.

I think I'm the first girl he's tried to play. And that should say enough about his playah-skillz, because as much as I hate playing games, I also don't like to lose. You don't try to play a girl with an IQ double yours.

Especially since I've always been smart enough to play dumb.

Ya. I'm a little bitter.